IT’S ALL FAITH…
The most impatient and toughest hours are the ones when it’s nearing its end. I lose my patience always pray to God to help me survive through the last few minutes. I am talking about my fast on Maha Shivratri. I have been doing them for around four years now and each year it just gets better. No troubles, no worries, only God and me. It is eternal and out of the world experience.
The only problem that comes is what I have mentioned above. However, it is sweet to wait for the last few moments to come to an end so that I could take my first drop of water and that too the jal from the puja. This year I thought why not write about it.
I am an ardent believer of Lord Shiv and I do all that in my power to pray and worship Him. My mother would always tell me that it is very difficult to please Shiv but He being the bhole baba, the innocent one-once pleased, He will give you whatever you wish for. Where my attraction for him started I have no idea. Maybe because I was born on a Monday and Monday is the Shiv pujan day which is why I am such a strong believer in Him…
This year, everything went as smooth as the butter only until nine pm after which weakness hit me hard. I knew I had started to fall apart physically but I had to keep up with the fatigue. Anyway, the fast includes not drinking water or eating anything for 24 hours and keeping maun i.e., not talking either. My friends asked me how can I not speak to which I just think ‘God makes you do things if you believe in Him’ and smile. At the end of the 24 hours, I break my fast with the Holy Water and then eat food. Also once seated to eat, getting up and eating a second time isn’t allowed. So it’s always better to keep everything ready before hand which I make sure of.
Breaking the fast isn’t the best thing about the day though. I’ll tell you why. The whole day I am on nothing and when I suddenly eat I feel nauseous with a heavy head and sweaty forehead. This is because breakdown of food inside the body is an exothermic reaction hence releasing heat. And as I am empty stomach the whole day, this reaction speeds up there by releasing heat immediately. Not wanting to eat after two spoons is another feeling which comes in. As the heat releases, the body moves into fatigue and the muscles stiffen up wanting rest. But pushing the body towards gaining a little energy is the only way to keep my stomach full. As I break my fast and I am done eating, I relax pray again and fall asleep thanking Him for making the fast good and easy.
A sense of nausea hits me and I wish I could doze off, travel to another world where I could pray more and reach the eternal. I know I am tired but I know He will save me from all my troubles and grant me peace in the end. He knows that I will come back to Him year after year till I am there. I also know He is there for me, always by my side smiling from above and saying-look I am inside your heart.
